InformationWeek

June 17, 1998

Secret CIO:
The Pre-Need Apology

We frequently place expectation levels way too high, thus setting ourselves up for failure

By Herbert W. Lovelace

ince what I accomplish at work is difficult to describe and can't be physically seen, I get a great deal of pleasure from fixing things around the house on weekends. As a result, I'm familiar with every hardware store in our area. I hold a special place in my heart for our local Home Depot, where I can roam for hours investigating all of the wonderful things that mankind has invented. I concentrate on finding a semilogical reason to buy the awesome gadgets I see on the shelves. So, in a sense, what happened was not my fault.

It was a pleasant enough Saturday when, on the way home from food shopping, I mentioned that I wanted to stop and pick up some washers I needed to repair a leaky faucet. Cindy said she would wait in the car and reminded me that we had frozen food in the trunk, so I shouldn't dawdle. I said I would only be a minute and briskly marched into the store, head high, aiming directly toward the plumbing aisle. I could feel my eye blink rate slowing down and can even remember seeing sale signs, but little else, until suddenly I realized I better hurry back to her.

She was fuming. I said I was sorry for taking a half-hour, but it didn't help. She was even less amused when I apologized a second time, saying that because I would no doubt transgress again, it would be easier on both of us if I had a pre-need apology in the bank.

Risking disaster in my attempt to get her again to accept one of my foibles, I went on describing my concept. I said that we frequently place expectation levels way too high in our daily endeavors, thus setting ourselves up for failure. I was sure, for example, that the majority of computer systems projects are unsuccessful because IT people don't dampen the unrealistic enthusiasm of their key users. Rather than running the other way, we covet such businesspeople, lobbying to get them involved with our ventures. In collaboration with them, we promise way too much.

Instead of spouting glowing descriptions of how the new system is a major step forward in solving the company's problems, it would be better for us to explain why it may fail to do so and apologize in advance for all of the new problems that we will create.

To emphasize that point, our newsletters announcing the new system should be published with black crepe borders instead of the bright and optimistic banners now used. Rather than descriptions of new and glorious systems functionality, we could have a somber message titled "Mea Culpa From The CIO And The User Manager," accompanied by a photo of them with their heads bowed in shame.

If, after all of this lowering of expectation levels, the new system actually did anything at all approximating something useful, the parties involved would be hailed as heroes of modest demeanor, worthy of emulation and deserving of large promotions and significant boosts in compensation.

I see a great future for the pre-need apology. Just imagine if we could get politicians to apologize, while running for office, for their inability to accomplish anything meaningful. Once elected, they could actually work on fixing problems because they would no longer need to take time to make excuses for their failures. We could see a new millennium in government efficiency.

I give Cindy credit. She listened carefully to all that I had to say. When I asked what she thought, she turned to me and said that on reflection, my idea was not a bad one. Then she suggested that after putting away the frozen food, we drive directly over to the mall. She explained that a pre-need new outfit from her favorite store is an even better idea than a pre-need apology.

Herbert W. Lovelace is the CIO at a multibillion-dollar international company. Herb practices his day job under an alias and has changed the names of colleagues to protect the guilty. Send him E-mail at lovelace@home.com. He'll provide real answers-and whimsical comments-to your questions on InformationWeek Online at www.informationweek.com.

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