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October 5, 1998

Secret CIO:
The Joys Of Travel

Despite some envious creature comfort, business travel is still a form of cruel and unusual punishment

By Herbert W. Lovelace

o here I am in another airplane, cruising along at 37,000 feet, being ministered to by solicitous and gracious flight attendants in first class (courtesy of upgrade coupons, not my expense account). I've just finished one hour of E-mail, which I will upload when I get to my destination, as well as two reports that I have edited on my trusty portable computer.

Mellowed by my gin (Bombay Sapphire, no less) and tonic, I still hold the firm conviction that business travel is a form of cruel and unusual punishment. If I had my choice, I'd rather be in the office explaining the need for new technology during a budget review (well, maybe) than jetting off to another one of our subsidiaries to check on their progress with our new corporatewide enterprise system. Right now, it is quiet. Very few screaming infants travel up front. (Hint: Avoid at all costs being seated near the bulkhead; that's where the little dears are placed--dual oxygen masks, in case you didn't know).

My seat-mate is a sales manager for a large company. I was reading as he sat down. He immediately asked me what company I worked for, and as luck would have it, there is some vague relationship between our firms. I gather we purchase some widget or other that his conglomerate manufactures. I was polite for the first half-hour or so, a grating chore as I read the same page over and over until he fortunately decided to watch the movie.

We arrive. Hopefully, I will not suffer any permanent injuries to my cranium or shins from the overhead luggage being swung around as I queue up with everyone else jostling to be first off the plane. Then comes the walk through the terminal while avoiding people who haphazardly dart from all directions or stroll leisurely four abreast, blocking everyone's path.

I arrive at my hotel, upload my E-mail, check my voice mail, and go downstairs to meet the implementation team from the regional office. We have a late but hearty dinner at some excellent restaurant. Of course, the quality of the food is wasted on all of us. They are too busy entertaining the guy from corporate headquarters rather than spending time with their families, and I am too busy missing mine for any of us to really enjoy the evening. Finally, I go back to my room in time to take care of the E-mail and voice mail that has accumulated while I was putting unneeded saturated fat and calories into my body. I then go to sleep alone in a strange bed.

The next morning, I meet the site manager for breakfast. We both like each other, but we once again repeat the ritual of talking about work instead of about anything that's really important in our lives. Then we go to the office. The day is a trying one. There are no crises, but I have to pay attention every minute, and I'm sure it's not too easy on the staff because they know I will take action, if appropriate, on what I learn. They are all good people and I have treated them with respect in the past, so things are only as tense as they have to be.

At last, the day is finished. I say my good-byes and head toward the airport. As always, I have cut it too close and I'm sweating that I will miss the flight. Fortunately, I get a lucky break in that my gate is near security and I make the plane with a solid eight minutes to spare. Exhausted, I order a drink, pick at the meal, and fall asleep. There are no delays, so I get home by 11 p.m. and fall into bed, knowing that in a few hours I have to get up and go to work.

Saturday night, Cindy and I are going to a neighborhood party. I can't wait for one of our friends to corner me as I fight off my jet lag and say admiringly, "You know, Herb, you really have it lucky--you get to go on all those nifty trips at company expense. And you get frequent flier miles, too. What a deal!"

Herbert W. Lovelace is the CIO at a multibillion-dollar international company. Herb practices his day job under an alias and has changed the names of colleagues to protect the guilty. Send him E-mail at lovelace@home.com. He'll provide real answers--and whimsical comments--to your questions on InformationWeek Online at www.informationweek.com.