InformationWeek

Dear Herbert:
I entirely agree with your comment in "Technology's New Manners" that the state of our courtesy to each other is headed down the path of no return.

I also recently attended a conference in which cell phones and pagers went off despite the request of the presenters to turn them off or put them in vibrate mode. In retrospect, I recall becoming agitated when this one cell phone rang three times before it was answered. Do I fault the cell-phone user? Of course, but the truth is that the fault also lies with the presenters. They merely smiled and waited for the interruption to pass, then continued as though nothing happened.

Had they asked the interloper to leave and not return, I assure you that all the devices would have been switched off immediately. This is common practice at any Broadway show. Your pager goes off, you are asked to leave.

I was intrigued by your comment that we are social animals. Indeed, that is the very reason that this problem exists. People, whether they admit it or not, crave the micro power trip they get when they are beckoned openly before a crowd. There is definitely a feeling of importance that is associated with the simple act of getting a call, because you must be really important to get one. In short, people act the way that they do because of the very thing that separates us from all the other animals: we have an ego.

Best Regards,

Larry

Dear Larry:
You make an excellent point. In fact, I think you may have found the common attribute shared by all the people who don't seem to care about who they annoy or what they disrupt with their toys. It probably does boil down to the fact that they sense an opportunity to show how important they are. I suspect that these are same people who carry on conversations with their partners in the movies, oblivious to the fact that the rest of us oddly are more interested in what is happening on the screen than we are in being subjected to their comments.

I like your second observation very much. Since we tolerate their behavior with electronic gadgets, I suppose that we are to blame for its continuation. Speaking of movies, again, did you ever see the 1976 motion picture, "Network"? If you remember, it was about a slightly deranged TV news anchor reporter named Howard Beale (played by Peter Finch) who went on a crusade to tell the truth about what he saw happening to society. Maybe if we all reacted the way that Howard did, telling people to yell, "I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore," we'd embarrass our cohorts sufficiently that they would put down their cell phones. On the other hand, we run the risk that they might just look at us in annoyance and say, "Can't you pipe down? Don't you see that I'm on the phone?"

Herbert:
Read your column on "Technology's New Manners." You hit the nail on the head--and the toe. The new technology that you talked about is causing people to become oblivious to others.

Being a consultant, I meet a lot of new people as I progress from project to project. I find that there are a lot of people who do not know how to interact with others. Not only are they screaming into cell phones, ignoring others in the area as you stated, but they are usually the ones that use their speakerphones to dial numbers (just so that you know that they are important). They also are the ones who use the speakerphone for conference calls and turn up the volume so that no one else in that area can get work done. Usually you cannot say anything because they are the top dog. I even had one manager (for whom I didn't even work) tell me to move if I didn't like her speakerphone, because she wasn't closing her door. (Of course, she moved into that office six months after I had been there!)

Then again, people are ruder on the highways--they cut you off whenever possible. Then there are the people who walk into you while you are standing in a line and never say "sorry" or "excuse me". (I won't get into the part about that when you talk to people, in or out of work, they look at you like you are imposing on them...) Guess that they never heard "It's nice to be important, but more important to be nice!"

Earl G.

Dear Earl:
I could relate to every one of your stereotypes. It's amazing how rude or inconsiderate people can be sometimes. You have to wonder whether they learned nothing at home or in school. On the other hand, it is a delight when people perform acts of (no longer such) common courtesy. The other day, I let the person behind me in line at the supermarket get in front because he had only one item. You would have thought, based on his reaction, that I had bought him dinner at a fine restaurant. And you know what? I felt a lot better about myself because of this little act that cost me all of about a minute of my time.

Some of the people that you talk about come across as if they are real egomaniacs. I had a boss once who fit this category. He insisted on using his speakerphone whenever he called anyone, including me. It was really annoying. You might think he was doing something terribly important that did not permit him to hold onto the phone. Nope. I was sitting in his office several times when he would call someone. The drill was always the same. George would lean back in his chair, put his feet up on the desk and grin at me while he berated one of my co-workers. I finally figured out how to handle it. One time when he called me, I kept repeating to him that I had trouble understanding what he was saying and asking him to repeat it. Finally, when I had him sufficiently flustered, I said I'd call him back in a few minutes to see if we could get a better connection. After a few such sessions, he stopped using the speakerphone with me. I suspect he figured that I had a hearing impediment. In a way, he was right. I have difficulty listening to blowhards.

Mr. Lovelace:
Congratulations on your article, "Technology's New Manners," about cell phones, pagers, and other intrusive technology in our world.

I have this discussion frequently with my peers, co-workers, and friends. The most heated discussion revolves around whether or not it's considered impolite to answer your cell phone when talking with someone else, especially a customer or important prospect. In my opinion, it's extremely rude to interrupt your focus and concentration to answer that damned cell phone.

Other folks think you're being responsive by being available. Where does it end? As you mentioned, the work-at-home and telecommuting trends encourage this immediate connectivity and ability to be reached. Also, the fast pace of society demands instant gratification in everything our lives touch--from our cars and Internet connections to service lines at the donut counter, it never ends.

So, where does it lead? We don't know, but I'm afraid this trend will not stop. Thanks again for the insight and validation of my thoughts lately.

Regards,

Sam Torrez

Dear Sam:
I don't know where it ends, but I do know that I received a great deal of mail about the subject and maybe 1% of it talked about the need to stay wired even if it irritated others. Perhaps the number would be higher, but the rest of the crew in favor of the burgeoning use of these gadgets is too busy looking at their pagers to write.

It's interesting to hear that some of your friends argue that it's important to show they are responsive by interrupting a conversation to answer their cell phone. I suppose that I would have no problem with that point of view if the person making that statement were a physician on call. Otherwise, I would wonder if they aren't either very insecure or simply trying to show us how important they are.

You might want to ask these very responsive people how they feel when someone stops listening to them to answer a phone or check a page.

Dear Lovelace@home.com:
We are writing to solicit your kind help in our current study of top management problems associated with the Internet and Web technologies. We ask that you rank the importance of management problems we identified and suggest additional management problems you know of, all through accessing our Web site. We are sending this E-mail to you because you are an expert in this area.

The study is conducted by myself, the Professor of Management Information Systems with the School of Business Administration, and my colleague, who is assistant professor of MIS at the university. The study aims to identify top Internet technology-management problems facing Internet technology managers and other staff and functional managers of companies at the forefront of Internet technology deployment. Internet managers, Internet consultants and analysts, and Internet education specialists are solicited to participate in the study.

This Internet questionnaire is quite lengthy. Please feel free to select only those categories that you wish to complete. At the survey Web site, you may request to have the results of this study sent to you.

Dr. George S.

George Scott, Professor of MIS

University of Connecticut

Dear Dr. George S.:
You are certainly correct that your questionnaire is quite lengthy.

Since I want to help you, I thought you might forgive me if I gave you some input on the problems facing Internet technology managers in prose form rather than by going through all of that virtual paperwork.

First of all, I'm not even really sure that I'm qualified to answer your questions since I am not really an Internet manager (whatever that is), consultant, analyst, or education specialist. But somehow, I figure you might not care, since your E-mail had no salutation--my first clue that this was a bulk mailing. However, never one to hold that faux pas against someone, let me share with you the major problem (as I understand it) from my friends and colleagues who are very much involved in Internet businesses: They are incredibly busy and have no time to answer lengthy questionnaires, even those that use cutting-edge technology on the Web rather than pencil and paper. A shorter, more precise questionnaire might have solicited some of their opinions, but I know that would have taken more of your own time. But I digress. I suppose the bottom line answer to your research is that time and resources are what Internet people lack the most.

By the way, I wouldn't want you to spend any of your own time sending me the results of your research. I sense that those who responded to it (present company included) really aren't qualified to participate in it.