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6/30/2004
06:18 PM
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10 Good Reasons You Can't Have That Data

The Justice Department has rejected a request to view a database of foreign lobbyists, saying the file is so big that copying it could cause the computer on which it resides to crash and irretrievably destroy data.

The Justice Department has rejected a request to view a database of foreign lobbyists, saying the file is so big that copying it could cause the computer on which it resides to crash and irretrievably destroy data.Here are the other nine reasons the Bush Administration cited for not revealing which foreign lobbyists are buying off which U.S. government leaders.

2. We started to copy the data manually but realized that that much friction from a pencil on paper could cause a fire.

3. We unrolled the scrolls, but the papyrus was so old ….

4. That work order has been submitted to the House Appropriations Committee.

5. We're in the middle of upgrading our search engine from 2-cycle to 2,000-kw diesel.

6. Damn this scribe strike!

7. We sent it out to Kinko's but we got back the Melemens' wedding invites.

8. Putting a Clapper on the server sounded like a hell of an idea at the time.

9. Funny story. Turns out that database was inadvertently sealed behind a wall. With the hammers and saws.

10. We couldn't close the lid of the Xerox machine over the monitor.

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