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An IT Admin Walks Into A BarÖ

Got a good IT joke? Share it! We're collecting IT humor in anticipation of Seth Meyers' comedy keynote at Interop New York.

SNL alum and Late Night host Seth Meyers will perform a comedy keynote at Interop New York on October 1. Meyers’ comedy credentials—head writer at Saturday Night Live and anchor of SNL’s Weekend Update to name two—are enviable, but that doesn’t mean he gets to be the only one who tells jokes.

I’m also willing to bet that Meyers couldn’t tell a LUN from a LAN, or that Cat-5 doesn’t mean you own four other felines. So let’s help him out a little by collecting some IT humor.

I’ll get the ball rolling with a few jokes scooped up from the Internet, but if you’ve got a favorite IT or tech joke, share it with the rest of us.

**A SQL admin walks into a bar and joins two tables. (Source)

**A hot-air balloonist suddenly realizes he’s lost. The balloonist spots a person on the ground and shouts "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The person on the ground says "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.

"I do," replies the person. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone."

The person below replies "You must work in management."

"I do," says the balloonist. "How'd you know?"

"Well," says the person, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault." (Source)

**If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0. (Source)

**Tech Support: I need you to right-click on ‘Open Desktop.’

Customer: Ok.

Tech Support: Did you get a pop-up menu?

Customer: No.

Tech Support: Ok. Right-click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?

Customer: No.

Tech Support: Ok, can you tell me what you’ve done up until this point?

Customer: Sure, you told me to write “click”  and I wrote “click.” (Source)

OK, now it's your turn. Let's see if you can get over the (admittedly low) bar I've set by sharing your own jokes in the Comments section below.

Drew is formerly editor of Network Computing and currently director of content and community for Interop. View Full Bio
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User Rank: Ninja
8/12/2014 | 10:09:51 PM
Re: ha ha
@David, was the title of that help-wanted: "Wanted: Error Message Writer"? Or was the job title something innocuous like "Technical Writer IV"? I do not have a good IT joke, even though I have worked at smaller companies where their IT department was the job. 
User Rank: Ninja
8/11/2014 | 5:08:53 PM
Re: ha ha
This one is my favorite company specific one: There's a joke at Google: The meals HAVE to be free, because all those nerds with lunch money would attract too many bullies.
User Rank: Ninja
8/11/2014 | 3:07:53 PM
A Guide To Modern Operating Systems LOL!


You keep running up against the one-bullet barrier.

The gun blows up in your hand.

Windows NT
The gun is so huge and unwieldy that you have to keep swapping it from one hand to the other.

The gun and the bullet aren't speaking to each other any more.

Mac Finder
It's easy to shoot yourself in the foot -- just point and shoot.

You can shoot yourself in the foot with either a .38 or a .45.

The Terminator shoots you in the foot. A T-Rex bites your other foot.

The gun isn't compatible with your foot.

You learn how to shoot yourself in the foot with a Saturday Night Special.

Generous programmers from around the world all join forces to help you shoot yourself in the foot for free.

You'll be able to shoot yourself in the foot Real Soon Now.

IBM shoots you in the foot.

\FOOT\ ambiguous: supply more toes.

The gun works pretty well, except that few people use one and it's impossible to find bullets.

The bullets work pretty well, but they don't make guns for it any more.

You shoot yourself in the foot with an Uzi.

You shoot all of your friends' feet simultaneously.
User Rank: Ninja
8/11/2014 | 3:03:27 PM
Re: ha ha
@nomii LOL- that's cute!!
User Rank: Ninja
8/11/2014 | 3:02:03 PM
Re: ha ha
@ ClareCM LOL! That's true..the writer of error messages..a sadistic task :) 
Li Tan
Li Tan,
User Rank: Ninja
8/9/2014 | 11:06:24 AM
Re: ha ha
Haha~ that's a funny but very meaningful question. Google already made a self-driving car, how Apple will make the similar product? What feature will it have?
User Rank: Strategist
8/9/2014 | 12:44:28 AM
Re: ha ha
If Apple made a car would it have windows?
User Rank: Ninja
8/8/2014 | 6:20:22 PM
silly joke
An old man is sitting at the bar crying. 

Bartender comes up to him, takes his drink order and asks what's wrong.

Old man says, "I just got married. She's beautiful. A much younger woman. She's so romantic and fun and we are together all the time. She cooks and cleans and takes such good care of me."

The bartender looks puzzled. "So why are you crying, sir?"

The old man replies, "I forgot where I live!"
Jeff Jerome
Jeff Jerome,
User Rank: Ninja
8/8/2014 | 3:21:28 PM
Re: ha ha -Hungry IT needs Pizza
Jeff Jerome
Jeff Jerome,
User Rank: Ninja
8/8/2014 | 3:17:25 PM
Re: ha ha
Bill Gates passes away and is standing at the pearly gates.  St Peter looks and him and says Bill do you want to go to heaven or hell?  Bill says not sure can you show me a sample of both.  First he shows him heaven, it was pleasant enough the people there looked happy, nice harp music but a little bland.  Okay what about hell, so he is shown a sample of hell.  Everyone is happy looks like a big party there is dancing and singing shear joy.  At the end of samples Bill looks at St. Peter and says wow it is a no brainier I will take hell.  Snap of the fingers and there he is and it is all fire and brim stone, whaling and gnashing of teeth.  Bill looks at St. Peter and says what happened what you showed me vs. what this is is completely different.  St Peter replied, oh that version of hell was in beta, this is the full release.
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