(Editor's Note: The following is a real but not "authentic" blog transcript. That is, it's "real" in that it exists--I mean, look at it, there it is, it exists, it's real, it "is"--but it's not "really" "real". That is, this conversation below, while "concrete," didn't really "happen" except in the mind of the author (and perhaps also in the minds of others that the author can't verify). However, philosophy aside, the author believes the thrust of the phony conversation is true if only because no one has denied that it is.)

Posted Oct. 11, 2004, 12:57 a.m., by WoodTooth
R U out of your MIND?? Let me answer 4 u: YES!! Anybody who's ever taken Fortran knows that Oracle is just messing with PeopleSoft so that Micro$oft can ride in at the last second like the eagles in Lord of the Rings and save PeopleSoft, so Y would U insist that Oracle really WANTS to own PeopleSoft? More bodies, more payroll, more office space, more pension funds....ICK!!

Posted Oct. 11, 2004, 1:02 a.m. by nose2grindstone
Whoa down a second there, cowboy--who's calling who crazy? I can't tell if you got a scorpion in your pocket or you're serious. What you are tellin' me is that Micro$oft is like the eagles in Return of the King (and btw it was ROTK, not LOTR, that the eagles were in), but that would mean Micro$oft is the symbol of the USofA--so who's crazy now, bro? And while I'm at it, maybe you should trade in the wood teeth for DENTURES!!

Posted Oct. 11, 2004, 1:08 a.m. by Gallahad
Children, children, children! Both of you take 5 minutes' quiet time and let's get this conversation back where it started: Is Microsoft going to buy Oracle? I think Keelhauler made a good point several hours ago (where does the time go??) when she said that customer service would be improved if those two companies would merge. As you no doubt recall, she postulated that the merged companies could then select one of the two rival databases now resident in the same company as the survivor, and that's the one they'd keep. The other would be resigned to, as they say, the codeheap of history. Then they'd take all the people working on the one that got disintermediated and turn them into customer-service people. So, even if your company, for many years, had been using the DB that got canned and had everything in your whole company running on it, at least you'd get better support when ripping and replacing. I mean, theoretically, it's elegant; practically straight out of Nietzsche, actually.

Posted Oct. 11, 2004, 1:17 a.m. by Keelhauler
Hey Gallahad--why don't you make like Teresa Heinz Kerry and SHOVE IT? I don't need you or anyone else standing up for me--if I feel the need to peel a few layers of skin off the hides of these yipping girlie-men, I'll do it for myself and THANK you very MUCH!! And the real point is this: If Microsoft bought Oracle, what would the name of the new company be: OraSoft? Sounds like a toothpaste!! And who would be in charge---Gates or Ellison? Maybe they'd have a code-off to see who gets to live in the Big Office!!

Other Voices The company also has created industry-specific reference architectures that outline the most efficient ways to build a computing environment using mainframe technology. IBM is working with a number of universities here and abroad, including Indiana State University and Northeastern Illinois University, to produce 20,000 mainframe-trained workers by 2010. -- InformationWeek, Oct. 7, 2004

Posted Oct. 11, 2004, 1:19 a.m. by hennyyoungwoman
Speaking of mergers, here's a doozy of a riddle AND it's funny: If the current Israeli Finance Minister engineered a merger of Yahoo and Netscape, what would the new corporate name be?

Posted Oct. 11, 2004, 1:20 a.m. by VeniVidiLatteVente
Did you know that Oracle has 7,000 software developers and engineers working on its enterprise applications, according to former company president Ray Lane? And that Microsoft has about 6,000 open positions it's trying to fill? Ever notice that those two numbers are almost exactly the SAME??? You knuckleheads might think that's all just a big coincidence....but you're wrong, Wronger, and WRONGEST!! You might lie, but numbers don't. Put that one in your bank.

Posted Oct. 11, 2004, 1:21 a.m. by PostMistress
R U saying they could add those two groups together and have 13,000 new people working in customer service, or are you saying the 13,000 new people would be working on OraSoft's applications? Or are you proposing that they make those 13,000 people move to India for tax breaks?

Posted Oct. 11, 2004, 1:23 a.m. by hennyyoungwoman
Netanyahu! Get it? Netanyahu, as in Benjamin! As in "net" "and" "yahoo"!! Is anybody out there?? Hellooooo????

Posted Oct. 11, 2004, 1:24 a.m. by Gallahad
Sorry to break the continuity, colleagues, but Keelhauler, that was uncalled for. Perhaps you've had a bad day and can't help your biliousness. May I remind you--not that I would try to tell you or anyone else what to do, or how to act--that blogging isn't about namecalling--rather, it's about an intellectual exchange of ideas among peers, and while I realize "intellectual" applies more to some of us than to others, we're all in the same sandbox and you can't just go around stomping on other kids' lunches, if you parse my metaphor. I'm not threatening to report your insult to the BOB* or anything, but, well, conflictresolutionwise, you might need to try to objectivize, yes?? I'm not saying you should apologize, but if you did, I'm also not saying I'd probably be at least a little disinclined not to ignore it. *(Blogger Oversight Board)