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6/20/2014
07:00 AM
David Wagner
David Wagner
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Geekend: Onion Or Real?

Real life or parody? With these stories, it is hard to tell.

Have you ever read a news headline and checked a second time to make sure it wasn't an Onion article? I know I have. So I decided to start what I'm hoping will become a semi-regular feature in this Geekend column: a quiz called "Onion or Real?"

The rules are simple. I'll give you the headlines and snippets from eight stories. Some came from parody news site The Onion. The others from a legitimate news organization. At the end, I'll give you the answers. Put your score (and any comments on the articles) in the comments section at the end of this column. Anyone who gets all eight will get a special Geekend salute.

1. "New Scientific Study Shows Rich People Cheat and Lie a Lot"
This study showed that rich people will literally take candy from a baby. "In one experiment, participants were invited to help themselves to a jar of individually wrapped candy destined for children in an adjacent lab; those who were identified as upper class took roughly twice as much candy as their lower-status counterparts."

2. "Study: Human Ability to Cooperate Most Strongly Exhibited When Ordering Pizza"
We might steal candy, but according to this article, pizza is sacred. "Confirming that the process causes individuals to collaborate closely, reach compromises, and display empathy, a new study from the University of Michigan has found that the human ability to cooperate is never more strongly exhibited than when a group of people order a pizza."

3. "New ESPN Program to Feature Attractive Blonde Reading Tweets for 30 Minutes"
TV has been veering this way for years as programs start to bombard us with tweets right in the middle of the show, and news and sports anchors read tweets on the air. "ESPN programming executives announced Wednesday the debut of a new show called The Pulse that will air afternoons on ESPN and evenings on ESPN2, and which will consist of an attractive blonde host reading tweets and Facebook comments to the camera for a half hour." I can't show you a real video -- that would give the correct answer away -- but expect it to look like this:

4. "Meet the Arm Wrestling Champion With One Gigantic Superarm"
Like a bad superhero from an old comic book, this man is Popeye with spinach on the right and without on the left. "For the German uses the bulging bicep for professional arm wrestling and he has claimed eight national and 14 international titles in 10 years. A genetic defect led to a forearm almost 46cm wide, and a career that has seen him traveling the world."

5. "Woman Rescuing Cat Stuck in Tree Gets Stuck in Tree Herself"
A Good Samaritan, hearing a cat crying in a tree, climbed up to help. According to reports, "Firefighters in Erie say they brought a 28-foot ladder to help Tara Dennis get down from the branches on Sunday." The best part comes at the end of the story: "Deputy Fire Chief Jeff Carroll says firefighters first carried down the cat, then helped Dennis." Priorities.

6. "Taco Bell Warns Employees Against Directly Exposing Skin to Food"
Bringing new meaning to making a run for the border, the article states: "In a new handbook distributed Friday to employees at all 6,500 of its locations worldwide, fast food chain Taco Bell has issued an updated set of safety protocols that warns workers against directly exposing their skin to any of its food products."

7. "3 Dozen Chemical, Emotional Responses Activated by Phrase 'Pigs in a Blanket' "
Food, especially the treats and dishes we liked when we were younger, can trigger powerful memories. Now a study shows exactly how much just by studying our chemical responses to words. One subject of the study was Rob Northcutt. "Within nanoseconds of recognizing the words and calling to mind the dough-wrapped cocktail wieners, the man's limbic system simultaneously summoned feelings of hunger, joy, envy, desire, and even, somehow, a deep sense of loss. Additionally, the flood of neurotransmitters and flurry of synaptic activity, which reportedly spanned four areas of Northcutt's temporal lobe, is said to have conjured up a diverse mixture of tastes, smells, sounds, and memories."

8. "Teen Loses Finger at Croydon Rave, Continues Dancing 'Because the Bass Was So Hard' "
According to reports, a teenager was at a rave in the English town of Croydon when the fire alarm started going off. The teen decided at the urging of the crowd to rip it off the wall. Apparently, he literally cut off his pinky in the process. The teen said in an interview: "It's the weirdest feeling. One second you're fine and your little finger is there, and the next second it's gone... I was in so much pain and shock that the first thing that hit my head was the beat and the bass. The bass was hard, so I just ripped off my top, wrapped it around my finger, and tied it up as tight as I could and skanked it out for half an hour." Who wouldn't do the same thing? Apparently he was told later that a "'bunch of stoners' found [his] little finger and were playing catch with it."

So which are the real headlines? Which are fake?

Answers

1. Real. Rich people really do take candy from babies.
2. Onion. The Onion made up the pizza study, but I actually think such behavior is true. Maybe we could get a grant to study it. I'd eat pizza for science.

3. Onion. As close to the truth as that faux ESPN article is, the network hasn't gotten there yet. But I expect ESPN to rip off this idea within the month.
4. Real. There really is a dude with arms like that. I wonder how he buys gloves.
5. Real. Ms. Dennis really did go out on a limb for a cat.
6. Onion. Taco Bell might be the butt of endless jokes, but as far as we know, its food is safe to touch.
7. Onion. While I'm quite sure pigs in a blanket really do bring back fond memories, they probably bring up way more than 36 chemical responses and emotions.
8. Real. It turns out that an actual kid lost an actual finger at a rave. I imagine this was his response:

So how many did you get right? Tell us below -- and tell us which ones you got wrong and why you think you got them wrong. And share you own strange-but-true news stories.

David has been writing on business and technology for over 10 years and was most recently Managing Editor at Enterpriseefficiency.com. Before that he was an Assistant Editor at MIT Sloan Management Review, where he covered a wide range of business topics including IT, ... View Full Bio
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David Wagner
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David Wagner,
User Rank: Strategist
6/23/2014 | 12:15:55 PM
Re: Real Life or Parody
@glenbren- Yes, I think photoshop has little place in anything trying to pass itself off as real. Even fashion magazines shouldn't be allowed to use it as far as i'm concerned. Or if you use it, you should have to declare it like a ratings system on an HBO movie.

This picture is rated: SL, BR, UL, and IBT

Slimming, blemish removing, unrealisticlly perfect lighting and impossible body type.
David Wagner
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David Wagner,
User Rank: Strategist
6/23/2014 | 12:13:05 PM
Re: Not a bad score
@SaneIT- You are right about presentation. Social media headlines like "This guy gives a violin to a dog and the music he plays will break your heart" are starting to leak into mainstream media. And it is getting harder to tell the difference.

You used to at least be able to count on a "real" news story giving you a more clincial headline like "Dog learns to play violin."
David Wagner
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David Wagner,
User Rank: Strategist
6/23/2014 | 12:08:33 PM
Re: Real Life or Parody
@jastro- I assume what they do is cull comedy sites the way Lorne Green checks out improv groups and the internet for SNL cast members. You don't "apply" so much as you get tapped.
David Wagner
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David Wagner,
User Rank: Strategist
6/23/2014 | 12:07:15 PM
Re: Internet User Exam and The Driver's License
@louisw900- I like your idea. Sort of a critical thinking test. Most Americans (and I assume this true over the whole world) seem to have a much too inflated idea of their own judgment skills, especially in the face of "facts." 

I honestly don't know how I'd have done on my own test, but like every other American I think I'd have gotten them all right. :)
RobPreston
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RobPreston,
User Rank: Author
6/23/2014 | 12:06:37 PM
Re: Real Life or Parody
I thought all but the Taco Bell one were real...as life becomes more of a parody every week.
glenbren
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glenbren,
User Rank: Moderator
6/23/2014 | 9:21:47 AM
Re: Real Life or Parody
Photoshop is getting so good that I think one of the great 21st century problems is figuring out what reality looks like.

I'm a big fan of reality. I want real news and real photos. You can wipe the zits off your high school grad picture, but that's as far as it goes. I don't want to be tricked. To me, that's like bullying.
SaneIT
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SaneIT,
User Rank: Ninja
6/23/2014 | 7:26:14 AM
Not a bad score
I scored 6 of 8 but I swear there was just an article on InformationWeek about collaboration and pizza so that one threw me off.  Sometimes it's not the concept that's crazy it's the way the concept is presented.  The arm wrestler for example has been around for years, he competes in a low weight class so he only does strength work with the one arm.  It seems like a crazy way to be good at something but it is function over form and it seems to work for him.
nomii
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nomii,
User Rank: Ninja
6/22/2014 | 1:58:09 PM
Re: Real Life or Parody
It was quite difficult to separate reality from fiction but I was really moved toward pizza buisness and thought that it must be as it was portrayed but to my surprise I was wrong. :) Better luck next time
jastroff
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jastroff,
User Rank: Ninja
6/21/2014 | 8:40:57 PM
Re: Real Life or Parody
Hmm...the Onion never has any openings, and they don't accept freelance work.
louisw900
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louisw900,
User Rank: Apprentice
6/21/2014 | 7:17:03 PM
Re: Real Life or Parody

Are we all migrating to an Onion type of world? What does it mean...and what comes next?

 

@Jastro   I just thought of something, what if your mind changes all "real" headlines into Onion type headlines in your mind ?  

I guess one would be a perfect candidate for employment at Onion.

So not a totally useless talent in the end.

<<   <   Page 3 / 4   >   >>
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