Full Nelson: iPad Speaks on Verizon, Ship Date, Sandra Bullock - InformationWeek

InformationWeek is part of the Informa Tech Division of Informa PLC

This site is operated by a business or businesses owned by Informa PLC and all copyright resides with them.Informa PLC's registered office is 5 Howick Place, London SW1P 1WG. Registered in England and Wales. Number 8860726.

IoT
IoT
Infrastructure // PC & Servers
Commentary
3/31/2010
05:26 PM
Fritz Nelson
Fritz Nelson
Commentary
Connect Directly
Facebook
Google+
LinkedIn
Twitter
RSS
E-Mail
50%
50%

Full Nelson: iPad Speaks on Verizon, Ship Date, Sandra Bullock

Apple's iPad, due April 3 spoke with Full Nelson a couple weeks ago, and granted one last interview before it got set to ship.

For whatever reason, the iPad keeps calling me wanting to talk, this week especially given that the ship date is this Saturday, April 3. I wondered whether there was significance to the date, the day before Easter Sunday ("on the seventh day, he rested"), or commemorating the date the U.S. courts ruled against Microsoft (2000), or Martin Luther King's "I've Been to the Mountaintop" speech (1968), or the date of the very first cell phone call (1973), or, heck, the arrest of the Unabomber (1996). So I began our conversation there. Here are some excerpts:

Because April 3 is Wayne Newton's birthday. How should I know?

I got my shipment notices too. I'm not going to lie. I don't care when Ballmer ordered his, it's not getting there on April 3.

You should see the list, though: Woz -- you can always count on him. Sculley and Eisner (snickers). Bob Dylan and Joan Baez... oh, the pictures I could show you from back in the day. Eric Schmidt. As if! An entire ship of Nigerian pirates. Lil' Wayne. Can we deliver to a prison?

Jesse James, courtesy of one T. Woods with a note: "Thanks for sharing the load."

Obama got one for each of his cabinet members. He also sent one to John Boehner and Mitch McConnell, with a note: "Better luck next time."

Yes, Steven Colbert had me at the Grammys. The first day was fun, but boy, he can be insufferable.

Everyone at the Grammys wanted to hold me. Lady GaGa told me I should have see-through casing. T Pain asked if I could run Auto-Tune -- now if I could, don't you think I would have helped Taylor Swift and Stevie Nicks? Adam Lambert wanted me to do body shots with him at the after party.

I know the audience couldn't see it but Pink used me as a teleprompter for "Glitter In The Air" lyrics while she was up on that Trapeze. I have to admit when she sang "have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry," I did.

I recently got caught up in the moment and let some Apple fanboys take me out to lunch. The mall food court wasn't what I had in mind. Hey, just a helpful note: Personal Hygiene guys (at least, I think they were all guys).

When Schmidt was on the Apple board, we used to have Bing running in all the conference rooms. Just to screw with him.

VeriZON. VeriZON. VeriZON.

We were working with Glenn Beck on a new book exclusive to the iBookstore. It just got too hard to interpret the caveman drawings. Some of his later drafts came in crayon.

Warning: Here are some things guaranteed to cause me to crash: Any kitten videos on YouTube, any songs from Kei$ha or Justin Bieber, and any movie with Steven Seagal.

Do you think the TSA will make people take me out to run through checkpoint x-ray machines? I just think I'll feel so... exposed. I definitely want my own bin, though.

We sometimes jokingly say HTC stands for "Has To Copy."

Kindle? It's female, for sure.

Yeah, I'd tap that.

It's true: I had Butler to the Final Four in my brackets. I was surprised by Kansas' early exit, but I would NEVER demean myself by picking the Orangemen.

I was invited to be on Dancing with the Stars. Turned it down. Had I know Pamela Anderson was going to be my partner...

I'm sending one to Sandra Bullock. That girl hasn't gotten any breaks, kinda like a Toyota Prius.

You liked the Bezos limerick? Here's another:

First there was Android and then Nexus.
Soon Schmidt, too, thought he was Jesus.
But we are Apple, we are Jobs, we're the flock.
So iPads for all! Even Sandra Bullock,
Who's had more bad breaks than a Prius.

Fritz Nelson is the editorial director for InformationWeek and the Executive Producer of TechWebTV. Fritz writes about startups and established companies alike, but likes to exploit multiple forms of media into his writing.

Follow Fritz Nelson and InformationWeek on Twitter, Facebook, YouTube and LinkedIn:

Twitter @fnelson @InformationWeek @IWpremium

Facebook Fritz Nelson Facebook Page InformationWeek Facebook Page

YouTube TechWebTV

LinkedIn Fritz Nelson on LinkedIn InformationWeek

We welcome your comments on this topic on our social media channels, or [contact us directly] with questions about the site.
Comment  | 
Print  | 
More Insights
Slideshows
What Digital Transformation Is (And Isn't)
Cynthia Harvey, Freelance Journalist, InformationWeek,  12/4/2019
Commentary
Watch Out for New Barriers to Faster Software Development
Lisa Morgan, Freelance Writer,  12/3/2019
Commentary
If DevOps Is So Awesome, Why Is Your Initiative Failing?
Guest Commentary, Guest Commentary,  12/2/2019
White Papers
Register for InformationWeek Newsletters
Video
Current Issue
Getting Started With Emerging Technologies
Looking to help your enterprise IT team ease the stress of putting new/emerging technologies such as AI, machine learning and IoT to work for their organizations? There are a few ways to get off on the right foot. In this report we share some expert advice on how to approach some of these seemingly daunting tech challenges.
Slideshows
Flash Poll