Finally. Real-Time Translations Of Monday Night Football

Do you ever find yourself watching Monday Night Football andwondering just what in the world Dennis Miller's talking about? What do 17th century Benedictine monks have to do with a quarterback sack, anyway?

Don't despair. A company called Shadowpack Inc. will decipher sky-high-brow Miller's obscure references and deliver the information to your Internet-capable cell phone or palmtop in real time. The only delay, says Lance Schneier, founder and CEO of Shadowpack, will be the time it takes his "war room" occupants to do the translations.

Twenty-person Shadowpack creates wireless Internet sites, whether it's extending a conventional Web site for PDA use or creating a walking tour of downtown Boston led and informed by a PDA. Or demystifying hipster Miller. Point your PDA to http://www.dmdmyst.com (Dennis Miller demystified, get it?), and whenever you feel lost, hit your refresh button to get some clarification.

Britannica.com performs a similar service, but it posts Tuesday mornings. By then, though, you may have forgotten altogether that Miller saw a little Anne Robert Jacques Turgot in the Bears' defensive strategy.