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Grumpy IT Guy Tries Out Gonzo Tech Journalism

I want to quit IT, swig booze, do drugs while speeding across America to Las Vegas, and ruminate about the failure of '60s counterculture.

Grumpy IT Guy is now getting press releases! Maybe I can be a gonzo journalist! You know, quit IT, swig booze, do drugs while speeding across America to Las Vegas and ruminating about the failure of '60s counterculture? No? OK. I can at least make fun of silly press releases.

First, I got one on "the Internet of Things." Yes, the Internet of Things. Yet another IT thing that either won't happen at your IT shop (kind of hard to envision a law firm's IT being super connected like that), or you're already doing it and you don't need some company that just started doing it telling you what to do.

Oh! But wait! A study is being proffered! The study will tell me that "nearly half of IT executives look to the IoT as over-hyped." No? Really? And yet, somehow, someone has connected their crystal ball to the IoT, because they confidently say "connected devices will nearly double within the next two years," and will "reach more than 50 billion by 2020 -- that's 6.3 connected devices per person!"

That gives me a headache. I can barely keep track of my phone, tablet, and laptop as it is. Away this press release goes, with the sweet sound of delete ringing in my ears.

[Will some cool tech toys make the Grumpy IT Guy less grumpy? Look at 10 Smart Tech Toys For Kids.]

Next press release is from perky Mina. She says: "You don't happen to have any relation to Grumpy Cat, do you?" Why, Mina, I've never heard that one before.

"Grumpy Cat and I are well-acquainted, especially on Mondays." Mondays! Chortle! The comedy is almost too much for my grouchy old soul, Mina.

"Anyhoo," she says. Oh Mina. You had me at Anyhoo... "I wanted to see if you'd be open to a contributed post from a vendor about an IT grump."

No. Chortling is over. I hate grumps. Please do not point out the irony, my therapist and I are still working on that one and it hurts my brain to think about it.

Mina, you should also know that I can be grumpy about vendors. Talking about vendors is not guaranteed to stir my juices in a good way.

"This one in particular has to deal with datacenter admins who are being forced to use antiquated storage technology and are hoping their CIOs will finally make it down to the basement and add storage to their upgrade list."

Oooh, not that, anything but the forcing of antiquated storage technology. Dear Lord, I bet they use... hard drives. Fiber channel! Or worse!

Mina, I guarantee you my CIO will never make it down to that basement. She spends her time visiting with customers. She gets out of the basement. Out of the data center. Produces IT reports for the business. Removes roadblocks for business critical projects.

She'd better not make it down to subterranean storage-land. That's another manager's problem, not hers. She just wants it to work and work reliably. If someone around here complains, they'd better use a better word than "antiquated" and it had better have something to do with customers if they want her tight-fisted, progress-oriented, profit-friendly purse strings to loosen.

I can't help it, but I kind of like her that way. (In a grumpy kind of liking way, of course.) And so does the business.

Mina, I had high hopes for you and I, but I am afraid that I hear that delete key calling again.

I am not sure about this gonzo journalism thing. I thought press releases were supposed to lead to gigantic aha moments and Pulitzer-winning stories. No? You say that hard work and integrity and privation and canny sleuthing are needed?

Forget the cross-Americana odyssey. I'm going back to Grumpy IT.

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