Grumpy IT Guy Tries Out Gonzo Tech Journalism - InformationWeek

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11/21/2014
10:36 AM
Grumpy IT Guy
Grumpy IT Guy
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Grumpy IT Guy Tries Out Gonzo Tech Journalism

I want to quit IT, swig booze, do drugs while speeding across America to Las Vegas, and ruminate about the failure of '60s counterculture.

Grumpy IT Guy is now getting press releases! Maybe I can be a gonzo journalist! You know, quit IT, swig booze, do drugs while speeding across America to Las Vegas and ruminating about the failure of '60s counterculture? No? OK. I can at least make fun of silly press releases.

First, I got one on "the Internet of Things." Yes, the Internet of Things. Yet another IT thing that either won't happen at your IT shop (kind of hard to envision a law firm's IT being super connected like that), or you're already doing it and you don't need some company that just started doing it telling you what to do.

Oh! But wait! A study is being proffered! The study will tell me that "nearly half of IT executives look to the IoT as over-hyped." No? Really? And yet, somehow, someone has connected their crystal ball to the IoT, because they confidently say "connected devices will nearly double within the next two years," and will "reach more than 50 billion by 2020 -- that's 6.3 connected devices per person!"

(Hunter S. Thompson, the father of gonzo journalism)
(Hunter S. Thompson, the father of gonzo journalism)

That gives me a headache. I can barely keep track of my phone, tablet, and laptop as it is. Away this press release goes, with the sweet sound of delete ringing in my ears.

[Will some cool tech toys make the Grumpy IT Guy less grumpy? Look at 10 Smart Tech Toys For Kids.]

Next press release is from perky Mina. She says: "You don't happen to have any relation to Grumpy Cat, do you?" Why, Mina, I've never heard that one before.

"Grumpy Cat and I are well-acquainted, especially on Mondays." Mondays! Chortle! The comedy is almost too much for my grouchy old soul, Mina.

"Anyhoo," she says. Oh Mina. You had me at Anyhoo... "I wanted to see if you'd be open to a contributed post from a vendor about an IT grump."

No. Chortling is over. I hate grumps. Please do not point out the irony, my therapist and I are still working on that one and it hurts my brain to think about it.

Mina, you should also know that I can be grumpy about vendors. Talking about vendors is not guaranteed to stir my juices in a good way.

"This one in particular has to deal with datacenter admins who are being forced to use antiquated storage technology and are hoping their CIOs will finally make it down to the basement and add storage to their upgrade list."

Oooh, not that, anything but the forcing of antiquated storage technology. Dear Lord, I bet they use... hard drives. Fiber channel! Or worse!

Mina, I guarantee you my CIO will never make it down to that basement. She spends her time visiting with customers. She gets out of the basement. Out of the data center. Produces IT reports for the business. Removes roadblocks for business critical projects.

She'd better not make it down to subterranean storage-land. That's another manager's problem, not hers. She just wants it to work and work reliably. If someone around here complains, they'd better use a better word than "antiquated" and it had better have something to do with customers if they want her tight-fisted, progress-oriented, profit-friendly purse strings to loosen.

I can't help it, but I kind of like her that way. (In a grumpy kind of liking way, of course.) And so does the business.

Mina, I had high hopes for you and I, but I am afraid that I hear that delete key calling again.

I am not sure about this gonzo journalism thing. I thought press releases were supposed to lead to gigantic aha moments and Pulitzer-winning stories. No? You say that hard work and integrity and privation and canny sleuthing are needed?

Forget the cross-Americana odyssey. I'm going back to Grumpy IT.

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Grumpy IT Guy avoided historic disasters and clueless people while working his way up the IT ranks, but he retained his keen sense of humor. He now leads an IT organization somewhere in America, as part of the FBI's Grump Protection Program. Need advice? Send questions to ... View Full Bio
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Alison_Diana
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Alison_Diana,
User Rank: Author
11/25/2014 | 11:59:16 AM
Re: Grumpy Cat
Maybe you just needed to serve the same concoction to all users, @mrialsjr?
Alison_Diana
100%
0%
Alison_Diana,
User Rank: Author
11/25/2014 | 11:58:05 AM
Re: Grumpy Cat
CaaS -- now that's an acronym I can get behind.
mrialsjr
50%
50%
mrialsjr,
User Rank: Apprentice
11/24/2014 | 5:29:35 PM
Re: Grumpy Cat
Having performed some fairly magical IT voodoo on a morning following a very long night I have to admit that the work performed was stellar but not only were we unable to replicate the results on future systems we also failed to be able to undo what I had done. And under the circumstances I'm not sure that documentation during the work would have been at all helpful.
GrumpyITGuy
50%
50%
GrumpyITGuy,
User Rank: Strategist
11/24/2014 | 3:33:38 PM
Re: Grumpy Cat
I think we just invented Gonzo IT. The more coffee and booze, the more interesting the results... Not saying that they will be GOOD results, just... more interesting.
mrialsjr
50%
50%
mrialsjr,
User Rank: Apprentice
11/22/2014 | 8:53:31 AM
Re: Grumpy Cat
CaaS has long been critical to IT at all levels. Whether it's the Helpdesk fielding the infinite line of ridiculous issues that aren't issues all the way up to the CIO who needs makes use of it to be able to manage the balance of business to IT; a balancing act that at times resembles a cruise liner on a sewing needle. All areas of IT in between depend on CaaS. I've known two IT pros that didn't use caffeine...that phrase is past tense, they didn't make it. (On a side note but probably not unrelated they also didn't drink alcohol.)
GrumpyITGuy
50%
50%
GrumpyITGuy,
User Rank: Strategist
11/21/2014 | 4:23:23 PM
Re: Grumpy Cat
As an IT Guy, I thought I had seen the limits of FUD and BS until I started getting press releases intended for real journalists. But they keep the good stuff for journalists, the type of stuff that is best understood while in a smoky, dark barroom, post-tequila shots. "THAT'S SO BRILLIANT. AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I MEANS. RAWR!"
GrumpyITGuy
50%
50%
GrumpyITGuy,
User Rank: Strategist
11/21/2014 | 4:19:45 PM
Re: Grumpy Cat
How is it that I missed caffeine as a key component of the gonzo tech journalist? I bow to you.
Stratustician
IW Pick
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Stratustician,
User Rank: Ninja
11/21/2014 | 3:48:26 PM
Re: Grumpy Cat
Definitely caffeine as a service. I tried programming my smart watch to regulate the dose to no avail.
Laurianne
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0%
Laurianne,
User Rank: Author
11/21/2014 | 3:45:43 PM
Re: Grumpy Cat
Coffee-filled IV: love it. Is that technically a wearable, or caffeine as a service? Discuss.
Stratustician
IW Pick
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Stratustician,
User Rank: Ninja
11/21/2014 | 3:43:09 PM
Re: Grumpy Cat
Sadly, I feel like I channel Grumpy IT Guy when I look at one particular inbox bursting with PR goodness.  That is until i've at least hooked up the second coffee filled IV.  Third one if its a day brimming with FUD goodness.
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