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2/27/2015
10:40 AM
David Wagner
David Wagner
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IT Pros: Live Long And Eat Your Coffee Cup

Drinking coffee will extend your life. Why not drink it out of an edible cup?



BelfieStick & 7 Other Silly Smartphone Accessories
BelfieStick & 7 Other Silly Smartphone Accessories
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Excluding, perhaps, long-haul truckers, I would have guessed that the highest coffee-drinking profession was IT pros. I was disappointed to find out that IT pros aren't even among the top 15 coffee-drinking professions. I can only assume that's because you've moved on to something stronger, like injecting Red Bull directly into your veins. But rejoice, IT pros, you can now go back to coffee, because a government panel of nutritionists says that drinking up to five cups of coffee per day is not only totally fine but may help you live longer.

If you guzzle black coffee all day, not only will you have no negative side effects, but the antioxidants in the coffee might help you avoid cancer, Parkinson's Disease, Type 2 Diabetes, and heart disease. If you can’t deal with coffee specifically, caffeine is the main reason for these effects. Remember, though, if you consume your caffeine in soda or other sugary forms, you are giving up a lot of the benefits, especially the protections from Type 2 Diabetes and probably from cancer.

Same thing with the cream and sugar. You're discarding many of the health benefits if you add those. So drink coffee black for your health -- not for the reason this guy does it.

That's the good news. Here's the bad news. Nutritionists say that 400 mg of caffeine is a good, healthy dose. Some coffee has more caffeine than others. For the stuff you brew at home, that's about five cups. You know how much caffeine is in a Venti Starbucks coffee? 415 mg.

[ If coffee won't kill us, what will? Read No, AI Won't Kill Us All. ]

Still, I think this is good news for coffee drinkers and IT pros in general. But here's the thing, IT pros. You guys are lagging on your coffee consumption. Even writers and editors like me outdrink you guys.

Scientists drink the most coffee, but do you know who beats you in your own enterprise? PR and marketing. They're no. 2 among all caffeine-consuming professions. HR folks also crush you all. If you can't drink more coffee for the pride of your department, at least do it for your health.

If you can't do it for pride or for health, do it so you can eat the cup. The cup? You heard me. KFC UK is now testing coffee in an edible cup. They are calling it the Scoff-ee cup. And yes, I scoff. It is a cookie cup wrapped in edible sugar paper. The inside of the cookie is lined with "heat-resistant white chocolate." Because, let’s be honest, nothing says yummy like the words heat-resistant. Also, while paper may be treated like a delicacy in the UK, outside of the empire it is generally treated as something to recycle rather than to eat.

The topper is that the cups smell like grass and sunscreen, so they "remind you of a warm summer’s day on the beach." Yes, because I always associate piping hot coffee with hot summer days.

Let’s all sing it together: "The best part of waking up, is eating your coffee cup."

Look at this woman.

(Image: KFC via Dailymail)

(Image: KFC via Dailymail)

Is this the face of a woman who should be trusted with hot coffee? That woman loves that cup just a little too much. Also, her bites are huge! She's like a beaver chomping down on a redwood to make a dam.

And what would KFC's iconic Colonel Sanders say? You figure he had to be a black-coffee drinker. All those long hours in the kitchen perfecting that secret blend of 11 herbs and spices. Aside from some sweet tea, no Kentucky colonel would get his caffeine any other way.

Also, the thing looks like a giant fortune cookie. You know that game where you add "in bed" to the end of a fortune-cookie fortune? Try it by adding "with chicken." Seriously, try it. Here is an Internet database of fortunes people have actually gotten. Try adding "with chicken" to them. Here are some examples:

  • "People are naturally attracted to you ... with chicken."
  • "You cannot love life until you live the life you love ... with chicken."
  • "Land is always on the mind of a flying bird ... with chicken."

Well, the last one is a little weird, but it works! KFC is totally missing out if they don't add this to the edible coffee cup. Think about it. You finish the cup and at the bottom is an edible paper fortune hidden under the chocolate heat shield, which I hear is also going to be used on the next generation of space shuttles. What more could you want after finishing a cup of coffee that will extend your life than paper sugar, which will shorten it, but also provide you with words of wisdom … with chicken?

So what do you think, IT pros? Is caffeine still a part of the IT Life? Do you prefer to get your caffeine in coffee, or are you chugging it in energy drinks and soda? Are you really going to live longer because of coffee? Are you hoping to trade in your boring old paper or Styrofoam cups for cookies, chocolate, and edible paper? Tell us in the comments section below.

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David has been writing on business and technology for over 10 years and was most recently Managing Editor at Enterpriseefficiency.com. Before that he was an Assistant Editor at MIT Sloan Management Review, where he covered a wide range of business topics including IT, ... View Full Bio
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