So we've learned recently that our representatives in Congress put in a work-week of about 2.5 days. Well, our country's economy and global competitiveness might both be strengthened greatly if we could persuade the Keystone Cops who make up the Justice Dept.'s antitrust circus to do the Congress one better and work only 2.5 days a month.

I was going to say that it's almost incomprehensible that Justice is preparing to once again mount a vague, circumspect, and generally unsubstantiated attack on one of the most creative, innovative and valuable companies in the world, but that would be unfair. Because there's no "almost" about it—to anyone outside of the Justice Dept.'s giant-shoe red-nose horn-honking clownish view of the world, this grandstanding effort to attack IBM and teach the company its proper place is completely and 100% incomprehensible.

If it weren't so pathetically and potentially misguided, it would almost be funny. But it's not—no, not by a long shot.

Perhaps I'm out of phase on this, and perhaps all of us should sleep more comfortably knowing that our Attorney General's trust-busting warriors are out there protecting all of us from IBM's devious schemes to dominate—yes, to monopolize—the mainframe market. Yes, you read that right: IBM is focused on manipulating the mainframe market! Right here, right now, in late 2009, our heroes in the Justice Department are snapping on their rubber gloves and getting ready to launch a full proctological exam of one of this country's—and the world's—leading engines of growth and innovation and prosperity because Justice is afflicted with the delusion that this exceptionally visionary company is looking to monopolize the mainframe market.

Where do they find these people? I mean, if Justice took 3 minutes to try to put some context around this absurd quest, they'd see immediately and unequivocally that IBM's probably focusing most of its energies in dramatically different areas. I invested about two minutes and came up with a range of examples that describe where IBM is focusing its people, its resources, its energy, and its strength—and believe me, stifling the BUNCH to corner the market on mainframes didn't make the cut.

To show what I mean, please let me share some news results about what IBM has been up to in just the past few days—and lest anyone think I am colluding with IBM to monopolize the discussion of news about IBM, please note that each of the entries below has been taken from different media sources. And I didn't have to go back to the Civil War to try to make this case; these are all from just the past few days:

1) "IBM Developing Chip To Sequence DNA" "IBM said Tuesday that it was developing a chip to analyze DNA information on patients for as little as $1,000, for sequencing an individual's genome. The additional information would help doctors perform better diagnoses on patients, by sequencing DNA faster and more cheaply than conventional solutions." (From pcmag.com)

2) IBM #1 In "Ethical Ranking" Of 541 Multinationals. Not sure just what they mean by "ethical ranking," but looky who takes the top spot out of 541 other money-grubbing and monopolistic capitalist dogs. (From environmentalleader.com)

3) "IBM Plans Low-Priced Software Packages Aimed At Africa, WSJ Says" IBM's low-priced packages will compete with Microsoft's products, the report said. Very strange: a monopolist going out to compete for low margins against a deeply entrenched competitor. Say—what kinda trick is IBM trying to pull here?? (From bloomberg.com)

4) "IBM Builds Handhelds To Help The Homeless" "Since April 2008, IBM and Global Bay have been supplying NYC's Department of Homeless Services with handheld devices and laptops used to replace a cumbersome paper-based process for verifying the availability of subsidized apartments for homeless people." (From USA Today)