Google Promotes Brain-Altering Thirst Quenchers

Proving that some Google employees are rich enough to waste tons of time, the search giant posted an elaborate April Fool's site Friday touting a new line of thirst-quenching drinks dubbed Google Gulp (Beta) with Auto-Drink (Limited Release).

"At Google our mission is to organize the world's information and make it useful and accessible to our users," the San Francisco-based search giant said on the site. "But any piece of information's usefulness derives, to a depressing degree, from the cognitive ability of the user who's using it. That's why we're pleased to announce Google Gulp (BETA) with Auto-Drink (LIMITED RELEASE), a line of 'smart drinks' designed to maximize your surfing efficiency by making you more intelligent, and less thirsty."

The four flavors -- Glutamate Grape, Sugar-Free Radical, Beta Carroty, and Sero-Tonic Water -- are displayed as brightly-colored Snapple-sized bottles, while the accompanying FAQ takes shots at Google's habit of rolling out betas only to a select few (see Gmail) and keeping products in beta for interminable periods.

One sample:

Q: When will you take Google Gulp out of beta? A: Man, if you pressure us, you just drive us away. We'll commit when we're ready, okay? Besides, what's so great about taking things out of beta? We've seen all these other companies leap headlong into 1.0, thinking their product is exactly what they've been dreaming of all their lives, that everything is perfect and hunky-dory " and the next thing you know some vanilla copycat release from Redmond is kicking their butt, the Board is holding emergency meetings and the CEO is on CNBC blathering sweatily about "a new direction" and "getting back to basics." No thanks, man. We like our freedom.

For the whole enchilada on Google Gulp, head here before Google takes it offline.

Other online companies mark the day with their own sense of nonsense. ThinkGeek.com, an e-retailer of gizmos and gadgets, usually posts several bogus products on its home page. This years lineup includes "iCopulate" and "Fundue -- USB Desktop Fondue Set."

iCopulate, according to the ad copy, "allows you to mate two consenting second generation or late iPods together for an experience nobody will forget."

Fundue, meanwhile, plugs into computer's USB port and includes features such as an LCD display and fireglow USB cables. "You'll be the MacDaddiest, most svelte lemming in the office come lunchtime," the copy promises.

ThinkGeek's April Fool's inventory can be found here.