If Social Networks Had Theme Songs

A description of every major social network through the joy of song.

David Wagner, Executive Editor, Community & IT Life

September 17, 2014

3 Min Read

"You can check out any time you'd like, but you can never leave." ("Hotel California," The Eagles)

Don't believe me? Just try to delete your account.

"I'm only happy when it rains." ("Only Happy When It Rains," Garbage)

Ever hear of Facebook depression? This is when you see all the happy status updates and wonderfully happy pictures of your friends and think your life can't compare. That's because everyone else is filtering their life to make sure the bad stuff isn't seen. Instagram is 10 times worse, because people don't post any negative status updates. All they do is post their most perfect pictures of their most perfect life. And you're left to hate every one of them.

"It's the terror of knowing what the world is about. Watching some good friends scream, 'Let me out.'" ("Under Pressure," Queen and David Bowie)

Your friends want you to know where they are, even if they don't want to be there.

Google Plus
"My words like silent raindrops fell and echoed the wells of silence." ("The Sound of Silence," Simon and Garfunkel)

Don't bother posting on Google+; all those accounts are just Gmail users who were forced to join. Google+ is an echo chamber. Yes, it is clearly the best designed social network on the Internet. Yes, nobody cares.

"The last of the rock stars when hip hop drove the big cars. In the time when new media was the big idea. What was the big idea?" ("Kite," U2)

Even JT is having trouble bringing sexy back to Myspace, but it has a cool look, some great music, and a new lease on life. Just maybe this will be the first social network to lose its user base and bring it back. If not, at least it can say it was big once.

There are too many social networks for me to get them all. Plus, I wanted to leave some fun for you guys. What song lyrics remind you of LinkedIn? How about Buzzfeed or Reddit? Can you find a (clean) song to describe Tinder? Deviant Art? Secret? Bubblews?

What songs did I get wrong? What are your favorite social networks, and which ones do you hate? Answer (in song, if you can) in the comments.

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About the Author(s)

David Wagner

Executive Editor, Community & IT Life

David has been writing on business and technology for over 10 years and was most recently Managing Editor at Enterpriseefficiency.com. Before that he was an Assistant Editor at MIT Sloan Management Review, where he covered a wide range of business topics including IT, leadership, and innovation. He has also been a freelance writer for many top consulting firms and academics in the business and technology sectors. Born in Silver Spring, Md., he grew up doodling on the back of used punch cards from the data center his father ran for over 25 years. In his spare time, he loses golf balls (and occasionally puts one in a hole), posts too often on Facebook, and teaches his two kids to take the zombie apocalypse just a little too seriously. 

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