Full Nelson: The iPad Speaks

Apple's maverick tablet device gives Full Nelson a rare interview. Its candor will surprise you.

Fritz Nelson, Vice President, Editorial Director InformationWeek Business Technology Network

March 15, 2010

4 Min Read

InformationWeek editorial director Fritz Nelson recently sat down with the iPad at its Cupertino, Calif., crib for an exclusive interview on a range of subjects. Its responses follow.

• I wanted to be on Verizon too. Let's face it: Putting me on AT&T is a bit like sending Tracy Morgan to work an office Christmas party.

• The launch was an experience. Sitting up there with Steve, the lights, the attention. We'd rehearsed earlier and I'd crashed and to say there was some angst is a bit of an understatement. I dare say Steve made Christian Bale's Terminator tirade look like a love scene.

• I have Steve's old liver in a jar and I keep it on my nightstand, right next to the first production Newton.

• During my formative years, I went to Mexico for a little break. Puerta Vallarta. Highly recommend it. First few days were great. We played on the beach, ate great food, drank Margaritas. Then about halfway through I started feeling like there was a vacuum cleaner under my dock connector, sucking my A4 out. Felt the same the first time I tried to run Flash.

• Yeah, I read the Twilight books. Pure garbage. Anne Rice defined the genre. Team Edward or Team Jacob? Team Lestat.

• Sometimes when I plug into the keyboard dock it leaves a burning sensation for a couple of days.

• My one regret is the embedded battery. Life's too short. I feel myself dying a little every day.

• I did see an iPod on steroids once. Freakiest thing you've ever seen . . . in the end, it just played Rage Against the Machine over and over, and its dongle shrunk. Sad, really. We tried to keep it away from the iPod Shuffles. They're so impressionable.

• Let's be real. Nobody's going to use the office applications.

• Pressure? I'm supposed to save the media industry, save the book industry, transform the movie business, out-do the Kindle, and beat all the early sales figures for the iPod and the iPhone. Do you want me to rewrite the healthcare bill, broker Israeli-Palestinian peace, and fix Toyota too? (There is a Healthcare Bill Easter Egg hidden in the OS.)

• We let Apple board members play around with the Touch interface. When it got to Andrea Jung, the CEO of Avon ... wow. Her hands were soft. Look, I'm not going to lie: There are a lot of sensors on my screen and ... well, let's just say I wake up every day thanking Steve for multi-touch.

• Taylor Swift is fantastic, but sometimes she's a little pitchy, dawg. (Laughs.) But I agree with Kanye: I sometimes watch Beyonce's "Single Ladies" video over and over when I'm supposed to be in sleep mode.

• Who says there's no camera?

• Look, there was lots of debate early on over the name. We're not stupid. All the jokes were going around internally for weeks, so I heard them all .... where we'd put the period key, stopping heavy data flows. Just shows where we are as a nation. Yes, I guess it might be a little awkward when someone says they're going to buy an iPad for their friend.

• Many people don't know this, but I don't mind saying that I happen to know the Kindle was addicted to OxyContin. He and Limbaugh were in rehab together. What, you think MacMillan was just mad about book pricing?

• I could play Sudoku all day. (Or for 10 hours.)

• I'm Irish, of course. Here's a limerick.

There once was a man named Bezos
Selling books online & it pleased us.
When he saw his sales dwindle
He started a cloud and the Kindle.
And now he thinks that he's Jesus.

Fritz Nelson is the editorial director for InformationWeek and the Executive Producer of TechWebTV. Fritz writes about startups and established companies alike, but likes to exploit multiple forms of media into his writing.

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About the Author(s)

Fritz Nelson

Vice President, Editorial Director InformationWeek Business Technology Network

Fritz Nelson is a former senior VP and editorial director of the InformationWeek Business Technology Network.

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