8 Scariest Comments Your Boss Can Make
You're fired is scary, but obvious. These eight terrifying phrases could blindside you.
Halloween is just around the corner, so it's time to talk about scary things. But there are things in this world that are much more frightening than ghosts and ghoulies. There's Kim Kardashian. There's the fact that some people like Kim Kardashian. And then there's your boss.
Even if you've got a great boss who cares about you, your happy life is in his or her hands. As we discovered in the slightly friendly ghost story "A Christmas Carol," your boss has the power to make your day easier or harder. He or she can treat you like a king, but we have to remember that bosses have a boss, too. And sometimes, whether or not it's intentional, your boss is going to make your life miserable.
Just remember: Scares run downhill.
With a single IM, phone call, or menacing shout from behind a closed office door, the boss can start a chain reaction of pain from the penthouse boardroom at corporate HQ to the night shift guy at the branch office in Timbuktu. If you've been in the workforce for even a couple of months, you've seen it firsthand. You might have even helped it happen, as your boss uttered a few short words that turned you into your team's personal Nightmare on Elm Street.
The worst part is that, just like a character in a horror movie, you usually don't suspect much until it's too late. A nice vacation at the lake before graduation turns into a fight for survival with a machete-wielding madman. A normal day at the office becomes a fight to save the project before you and the project get axed.
Here's a list of eight warning signs that your boss is about to make your day scarier than the Texas Chainsaw Massacre and possibly just as bloody. We skipped some of the obvious ones like "you're fired" and "we're laying off half the company." We have the subtle ones that might blindside you. Being scared is one thing, but being tricked when you expect a treat just isn't fun.
You can't really avoid them, but you can steel yourself for the inevitable. And if you find yourself hearing them a few too many times, you know it is time to perform an exorcism ... on your job.
Check out the list, and then go into the comments and add the scariest things your boss ever said to you.
"We need to talk" is the most frightening phrase in all the world. It doesn't matter if you hear it from your partner or spouse or your boss. If you hear it from your boss there are only two outcomes: You are being fired or you are being given more work that you don't have time to do. Derivations include: "Can you step into my office?" and "Close the door behind you."
Translation: Someone above your boss wants to know what is going on with your project. He or she is anxious for reasons that are either: a) so obvious, you were already working 80-hour weeks to finish it, or b) so opaque that you will now spend 80 hours per week finishing the project that no one wanted in the first place. If it's a client, you can bet the finished project will sit on a shelf three months after you finish it anyway. Derivations include: "The client has new parameters," and "Drop everything, Friday afternoon is a great time for a fire drill."
If your boss's response to "Did you get that thing I worked all night on?" is "That was fine," one of two things is true: a) It wasn't fine and the boss is going to fix it behind your back, or b) it wasn't important to begin with. Either way, you're in trouble. This is the ultimate "meh." And your career is now meh, too. Derivations include: "I submitted your annual review. Sign it when you get a chance. No we don't need to talk about it."
As Admiral Ackbar once said, "It's a trap!" This is the same trap you're in when a company asks you your salary requirements before they tell you their range during a job interview. If you promise it done too quickly, you've just destined yourself to late nights on an unimportant project. If you promise it done too slowly, you look uninterested at least and incompetent at most. And if you ask, "When do you need it?" the answer is "yesterday." Derivations include: "Do you have room on your plate for a new project?"
This is tricky. Obviously the point of a business is to make money. But all IT pros have to be tired of hearing that they are a cost sink. And every smart business person knows that some great ideas don't lead directly to revenue, but they drive it anyway. Take Starbucks asking people to sit around on big plumpfy couches instead of at uncomfortable tables. You can bet someone in the room said, "But that will hurt revenue. People will stick around wasting space." You can also bet that person doesn't work for Starbucks anymore. When managers say this, what they're really saying is that they don't have the guts to see what you see. That's scary. Derivations include: "We can't afford that," and "That will never work."
It is easy to put your head down and enjoy the silence of your boss not asking you for anything or interrupting your work. But if that is happening, you are going to be fired soon. It means your work is unimportant or your boss can't look you in the eye because there's bad news coming. Unless your boss has had recent oral surgery, start looking for a new job. Derivations include: "Sorry, too busy to talk."
Actually, a new corporate strategy is sometimes great news. If you've got a new one, chances are the old one wasn't working. The problem is that there's no guarantee this one works either. Some people ride through a half-dozen corporate strategies with the associated reorgs and new titles. Sometimes it means promotions and sometimes it means layoffs. It always means upheaval and uncertainty. It means the next year or two will be very interesting. Derivations include: "I'm reorganizing the department to align with the needs of the business," or "We're going to shake things up around here."
Whenever it was, it isn't anymore. That's just the boss's slow windup to, "I need you to move it if you can." Now you have to decide whether to: a) claim you already bought non-refundable airline tickets and blow off the important request, or b) make your family angry. Lucky you. Derivations include: "What are your holiday plans?" or "I hope you had no plans for the summer."
Are you scared? How many of these have you heard from your boss? What are some others you are afraid to hear? Tell us in the comments. Good luck with that boss, and happy Halloween.
Are you scared? How many of these have you heard from your boss? What are some others you are afraid to hear? Tell us in the comments. Good luck with that boss, and happy Halloween.
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