Last CIO Standing: Joke Contest Results

How many CIOs does it take to screw in a light bulb? That age-old philosophical question's not as easy to answer as you might think. Here are several responses to our CIO Joke contest.>> Two. One to hold it up and the other to nail it in place.

>> [[A multiple entry]] A. It only takes one, but he has to have one programmer to write the bulb removal program, another to write the insertion program, and a third person from the security office to make sure no one else is trying to change the light bulb at the same time as his team.

B. One, but he needs a consultant to tell him which end to insert into the socket.

C. Only one, but we'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adapter card first, which is extra.

D. We could just have marketing promote the dead bulb as a feature.

E. We've formed a quality circle to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out and to determine the best thing we as managers can do to enable light bulbs to work smarter, not harder.

>> Just one. Just once. He put in a fluorescent, low-energy dim bulb and we can't find the office anymore.

>> Initial studies indicate that only one is needed. However, we have not been able to complete the analysis. The customer requirements are scheduled for delivery in two weeks and then we need to get bids from three independent outsourcing firms before the work can begin.

>> [[Another multiple entry]] A. None. CIOs aren't afraid of the dark.

B. One. But a team of analysts and consultants must insure that all Sarbanes-Oxley requirements have been met and that the implementation is PCI compliant.

>> It's a trick question. CIOs don't change bulbs. It's against the collective bargaining agreement. A grievance would be filed before the end of the day.

On the off chance that you might be foolhardy enough to seek a replacement bulb from the CIO, you'd be asked to send an e-mail to the Help Desk instead of bothering the CIO with a legitimate question, get an automated reply saying that your e-mail has been received, then two weeks later, when you bump into one of the techies, you'll ask about your light bulb and they'll tell you that "management" has decided that not everyone needs a light bulb at their desks and, instead, each department will now be sharing one overhead fluorescent. In the event that the fluorescent tube needs changing, a work order will need to be filled out and submitted to the Operations department and then there will be a two-week lag time once the job is entered into the work-order calendar. By then, you've wandered away babbling about how you can see just fine by the glow of your LCD monitor...

>> [[Another multiple entry]] A. Define light bulb.

B. Three. One standing on a chair while gripping the bulb and two others to raise the chair and rotate it clockwise.

>> Only after a discovery call and sizing are completed can the answer to this question be determined.

>> We'll never know for sure. It's not in the SLA ...

Not funny enough for you? I'd like to see you come up with something funnier.