Stop The Black Friday & Cyber Week HatingStop The Black Friday & Cyber Week Hating
Of course you need tech toys. And... discounts. No politically correct hating required.
December 5, 2014
Cyber Monday and Black Friday are both over, and if you're like me, you scored big. In fact, you're downright grumpy at people who are grumpy about Deep Discounts and Loss Leaders. Admit it: aren't you tired of the Black Friday hating? How did hating become a part of the holidays? The politically correct self flagellation must stop.
Before you continue the needless hating into Cyber Week, check out some of these #hateblackfriday tweets. For your convenience, I have provided a Grumpy Translation™ below as well.
Like I don't understand how you give thanks for your life one day and then you're greedy the next #HateBlackFriday— Alexandra Williams (@awillis888) November 28, 2014
Translation: "I hate buying cool stuff."
Know what I'm not doing? Queuing for hours outside a store and fighting to grab something I can't afford and don't want. #HateBlackFriday— E. L. Johnson (@ELJohnson888) November 28, 2014
Translation: "I have no patience, self control, nor any desire for cool stuff."
I would rather buy things full price than try and battle the crazies! #HateBlackFriday— MaKaul Albertson (@MaKool320) November 28, 2014
Translation: "I am bad with money."
R u so hungry 4 a sale,ur consumerism so rampant,that you'd leave ur fam 2 go get deals.Isn't the quality time worth more? #HateBlackFriday— Kevin Barden (@K_Bardz) November 28, 2014
Translation: "I do not yet have in-laws."
Really not looking forward to working all night 😭 #HateBlackFriday— olivia ostertag (@oliviaostertag) November 28, 2014
Translation: "Really not looking forward to working all night."
I will offer a hat tip and less-than-grumpy gratitude to those who really get slammed at work during Black Friday. But let us remember that the alternative, nobody buying anything, is not good for the store or paycheck. So let's quit all the variations of "Oh noes, we might get a good deal!" and "Horrors, what about the poor people who have to work... and get paid... to offer deals to us during the holiday season."
Because somebody even grumpier than me might get confused by what I am saying, let me be clear: Grumpy IT Guy is not condoning people getting crushed, or panicking, or acting stupid.
Here is the correct strategy:
Step 1. Figure out what you were going to buy anyway.
Step 2. If you are in IT, look for a good deal for a gadget that you can play around with. Make sure that you justify it to your spouse in a carefully calculated, sophisticated, and mature way:
"I work in IT. Of course I need toys."
For example, I checked out and bought one of the 10 Windows tablets and laptops that were under $200.
Grumpy IT Guy already has one of the major tablets, but because of Cyber Monday, he also bought the other major platform... to put the IT Guy in Grumpy IT Guy. And games. And Gunnar glasses. Because, because... technology.
Step 3. Do not buy anything that is not super-discounted.
Just as obvious as "do not believe that you can win in Vegas, the money for the big glitzy hotel is coming from somewhere," yet people violate this rule.
Grab the "loss leaders" and get out. Do not stick around to buy other stuff. Common sense, basic economics, and analysts looking to ride the Black Friday search wave will all tell you that the other merchandise is actually more expensive during this time of year.
But do not hate Black Friday. Or Cyber Monday. Or, that super arms race between brick-and-mortar and online stores that we now call Cyber Week.
Just indulge in the toys and... don't be so grumpy. At least for now.
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