The Lighter Side Of Bad News

With the economy now officially almost 12 months into a nasty recession, even The rANT can get depressed. So it warms our tubular heart to remember that it's always possible to find humor amidst economic ruin.Some people say it's hard to make fun of a recession. Don't believe them.

The first place The rANT turns for this kind of thing is The Onion, and we're seldom disappointed:

American Airlines Now Charging Fees To Non-Passengers "Tough times unfortunately mean tough measures," American Airlines president Gerard Arpey said. "It's never an easy decision to ask our loyal customers, as well as thousands of people chosen at random out of a telephone book, to pay a little extra, but that's just the reality of today's economic climate."

GM Covered With Giant Tarp Until It Has Money To Work On Cars Again The automotive giant spent its last $18 on cinder blocks to help secure the tarp.

Chrysler Names '83 LeBaron CEO When asked how Chrysler plans to shift toward more energy-efficient models in order to compete in a changing marketplace, the LeBaron honked its horn for 35 seconds.

Swaggering Down 87% In addition, moping is up 67%, and is often accompanied by head-hanging and the jamming of one's hands deep into one's pockets. In addition, the practice of sheepishly kicking a tin can down the street was exhibited by 22%of those monitored.

Cash-Strapped NPR Launches 'A Couple Things Considered' "We'd love to consider all things, but the reality is we no longer have the resources necessary to do so."

Fortunately, the Huffington Post reports that help is on the way, as China Buys Naming Rights To U.S.: "We get 1.4 trillion dollars, and all we have to do is change our name to 'Panda Garden,'" Mr. Bush told reporters at the White House.

But wait, there's more!

From a site in the UK, we get these pearls of wisdom:

I went to the ATM this morning and it said insufficient funds... Is it them or me? Q: Whats the definition of optimism? A: A banker ironing five shirts on a Sunday evening. Q: Whats the difference between real estate brokers and pigeons? A: The pigeons are still capable of making deposits on new BMWs. Q: Whats the difference between a broker and a large pizza? A: A large pizza can still feed a family of four. Q: Whats the difference between an American and a Zimbabwean? A: In a few weeks, nothing.

Ba-dum-bum!

Fortunately, we can blame the economists for this mess, right?

Bucks for Brains? A traveler wandering on an island inhabited entirely by cannibals comes upon a butcher shop. This shop specialized in human brains differentiated according to source. The sign in the shop read: Artists' Brains $9/lb Philosophers' Brains $12/lb Scientists' Brains $15/lb Economists' Brains $19/lb Upon reading the sign, the traveler noted, "My, those economists' brains must be popular!" To which the butcher replied, "Are you kidding! Do you have any idea how many economists you have to kill to get a pound of brains?!"

And finally, also from The Onion, is some perpective from a previous recession: How We Made It Through The Great Recession "I saw grown men working blue-collar construction jobs, just to feed their families. I saw people buying used cars. In New York City, people were selling pretzels on the street for a buck-fifty, a buckanything they could get. It was horrible."

Indeed.