What We Learned From The Second Star Wars Trailer

Robot Villains: What They Teach Us

There haven't been tapes dissected this closely since the Zapruder films. Everyone is watching and rewatching the Star Wars trailers for every clue about the potential plot. Every second is isolated and compared to rumors that have been released before. It is almost like we'd like to spoil the film for ourselves.

But just for the record, I like knowing less about the movie.

I feel like we've had so many Avengers trailers I've already seen the movie.

Minor Spoiler Alert: Practically the whole fight between the Hulk and Iron Man was released during the MTV Movie Awards. We know every character in the movie. Wouldn't it have been more fun for at least one new Avenger to show up without us already knowing about it?

Still, I have to admit. I watched the Star Wars trailer again and again when it came out. Mostly because I got see Luke (or at least his hand), Leia (at least her hand), Han, and Chewie for the first time in something like decades. So if you happen to be someone who loves a good spoiler or likes to dissect the trailers to guess the plot, you're in luck. I already hashed them out for you. Here's the trailer in case you somehow didn't watch it.

If you hate spoilers, run away now. But for the rest of you I present the Top Ten Things We Learned from the New Star Wars Trailer:

1. Harrison Ford finally aged.

2. Princess Leia gets a freakin' light saber. That is all.

3. Technology is going backwards. Suddenly Luke has a robot hand without skin instead of his cool prosthetic hand that looked just like his old one.

4. Matthew McConaughey loves it.

5. We're running out of things for the Millennium Falcon to fly through. First it was asteroids, then a space dinosaur and then the second Death Star. This time it is an ancient wreck of an Imperial Star Destroyer.

6. There must have been at least one big battle after the second Death Star is destroyed, because the crashed Imperial Destroyer is on a desert planet (Tatooine?) and there is a crashed X-Wing nearby.

7. JJ Abrams is not going to give up on that annoying droid that moves with a rolling ball. It is one of the few things in both trailers.

8. Unless the voiceover in the trailer is a flashback, Luke's children (child?) don't know they have the Force until later in life, just like Luke.

9. There is a really important stick in the movie. One of the female heroes is running from the site of an explosion carrying it like it matters to her. I can't wait to find out what is important about the stick.

10. The second trailer should have been first, because this one was awesome.