Microsoft CEOs' Wackiest Quotes: Who Said That?

Microsoft In 2013: 7 Lessons Learned

Microsoft's new CEO Satya Nadella has some big shoes to fill. He faces great expectations when it comes to innovation and profit, his predecessors set the bar very high, yada yada yada... But that's not what I'm talking about.

Microsoft's new leader will play follow-up to two of the most prolifically quotable CEOs in history. Nadella, displaying a fondness for cricket, a formidable intellect, and a borderline-hipster wardrobe, is already carving out an identity. But he has nothing on the cult of personality that formed around Gates. When a satirical website claimed the Microsoft founder told a reporter, "I give you a million bucks, and I get to sever your arm right here," and "Let's face it, the average computer user has the brain of a spider monkey," many perceived the statements as fact -- in fact, some wounded PC users were still lamenting the faux comments years later.

[Will Satya Nadella and Bill Gates click? Read Nadella, Gates: Right Team for Microsoft?]

Nadella's public persona can't compare to Ballmer's, either -- at least not until the new boss has had a chance, as Ballmer did on several occasions, to spit on an Apple product that subsequently goes on to redefine the industry. No, in terms of headline-grabbing outlandishness, Nadella is still a rookie among wizards.

Figure 4:

Need a refresher on Gates's and Ballmer's most outrageous and insightful statements? Take our quiz, which features 12 zingers from not only Microsoft's first two CEOs, but also Nadella, who's already offered a few noteworthy statements as he's risen through the ranks. The answers are on the next page (no peeking.)

When you're done, use the comments section to write in your vote for the wackiest tech CEO quote of all time. It might be one of these -- or one from an even more colorful character. We will report back on the write-in winner. Do bring your sense of humor; just keep it safe for work.

Now put your Microsoft cred on the line. Which Microsoft CEO said:

1. "Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning."

2. "Our industry does not respect tradition -- it only respects innovation."

3. "Linux is a cancer that attaches itself in an intellectual property sense to everything it touches. That's the way that the license works."

4. "You might hear me say 'That's the dumbest idea I have ever heard' many times during a meeting."

5. "I'm going to f**king bury that guy. I have done it before, and I will do it again."

6. "About three million computers get sold every year in China, but people don't pay for the software. Someday they will, though. As long as they are going to steal it, we want them to steal ours. They'll get sort of addicted, and then we'll somehow figure out how to collect sometime in the next decade."

7. "Legacy is a stupid thing! I don't want a legacy."

8. "They yell at you, they'll scream at you, they'll sort of say you're crazy and you're destroying this place. And all the melodrama aside, you come back at it with the data, with the -- with your own conviction, because a lot of that stuff is all to test whether you know what you're talking about."

9. "What is it about sarcasm in a meeting? Or just going, 'This is completely screwed up'?"

10. "There's no chance that the iPhone is going to get any significant market share. No chance. It's a $500 subsidized item."

11. "All in, baby... We are winning, winning, winning, winning, winning."

12. "Now people are saying, 'Hey, where did you come from? You guys were getting your ass kicked by VMware.' "

Wow! (We resisted any mention of cream pies or developer dances.) See page 2 for the answers...

1. "Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning."

Bill Gates, in his 1999 book, Business @ the Speed of Thought: Succeeding in the Digital Economy (Grand Central Publishing, 1999).

2. "Our industry does not respect tradition -- it only respects innovation."

Satya Nadella, on his first day as Microsoft CEO.

3. "Linux is a cancer that attaches itself in an intellectual property sense to everything it touches. That's the way that the license works."

Steve Ballmer, in June 2001.

Figure 5:

4. "You might hear me say 'That's the dumbest idea I have ever heard' many times during a meeting."

Bill Gates, in a 1994 interview with Playboy.

5. "I'm going to f**king bury that guy. I have done it before, and I will do it again."

Steve Ballmer, in 2004. Ballmer was evidently so incensed when standout programmer Mark Lucovsky left for Google, he threw a chair before launching into a tirade lambasting Google's then-CEO, Eric Schmidt. The quote surfaced in court papers filed after Microsoft sued Google over the latter's hiring of Kai-Fu Lee, who had signed a non-compete contract while working for Microsoft. Lucovsky and Lee have both since left Google, and Ballmer has said accounts of the incident were exaggerated.

6. "About three million computers get sold every year in China, but people don't pay for the software. Someday they will, though. As long as they are going to steal it, we want them to steal ours. They'll get sort of addicted, and then we'll somehow figure out how to collect sometime in the next decade."

Bill Gates, in July 1998.

7. "Legacy is a stupid thing! I don't want a legacy."

Bill Gates, in a June 2011 interview with the UK's Daily Mail.

8. "They yell at you, they'll scream at you, they'll sort of say you're crazy and you're destroying this place. And all the melodrama aside, you come back at it with the data, with the -- with your own conviction, because a lot of that stuff is all to test whether you know what you're talking about."

Satya Nadella, in an interview last fall with ZDnet, describing his experiences working with Gates and Ballmer.

9. "What is it about sarcasm in a meeting? Or just going, 'This is completely screwed up'?"

Bill Gates, in June 2008.

10. "There's no chance that the iPhone is going to get any significant market share. No chance. It's a $500 subsidized item."

Steve Ballmer, in April 2007. In 2011, he also said "You don't need to be a computer scientist to use a Windows Phone. I think you do to use an Android phone... It is hard for me to be excited about the Android phones."

11. "All in, baby... We are winning, winning, winning, winning, winning."

Steve Ballmer, talking in 2011 about Microsoft's cloud apps. At the time, Google, Salesforce, and Amazon were all unambiguously bigger cloud players than Microsoft. To Ballmer's credit, however, Microsoft has since become a formidable presence in the industry.

12. "Now people are saying, 'Hey, where did you come from? You guys were getting your ass kicked by VMware.' "

Satya Nadella, in an interview last fall with Fortune, discussing Microsoft's missteps in virtualization.

We hope you enjoyed the quiz. Don't forget to write in your vote for wackiest tech CEO quote of all time using the comments section.

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